- Tori Dunlap is a multimillionaire while her partner made $ 60,000 in 2024.
- The Coupleifti, who spoke of money on their first date, gives priority to transparency and communication.
- They discussed equally and sharing costs evenly, avoiding traditional gender roles.
This essay as strong is based on conversations with Tori Dunlap, a 30-year-old financial teacher based on Seattle and her partner. They both demanded that his identity be kept hidden because of intimacy.
Dunlap is the founder of Its first 100kA financial education company headed to General Z and millennial women. She is also a multimilionar, New York Times’ best -selling author, and host.
Her partner has a graduate degree in athletics and works numerous jobs within the athletics and education space. He complements his income with side concerts such as sitting and private training and made about $ 60,000 in 2024.
The Coupleifti has been together for more than two and a half years. They spoke with Business Insider to share how they manage and discuss money in their relationships. The following is edited for length and clarity.
Tori Dunlap (right) and her partner (left) have been together for more than 2.5 years. Courtesy with photos of Tori Dunlap
Dunlap: We started talking about money on our first date. Until then, he knew that feminism was a large part of my work and values.
When the draft law came, I can say that there was some kind of internal conflict. He said, “I would really like to pay but I don’t want to offend you. Can I pay?”
Partner: I wasn’t sure what was the reception in terms of who pays or sharing the bill, so that was my way to say I would like to pay for the bill. The meal was something like $ 100, which wasn’t so much for Tori, but it was enough for me at the time.
Dunlap: It was really sweet. For me, this was an instant green flag that ended as a good sign for our financial conversations and the rest of our relationship. Sometimes it is difficult to have these conversations, but they prevent you from feeling dissatisfaction and stimulating your relationship, so I think they are 100% needed.
We know almost all of each other’s finances. I know how many in his roth Ira, he knows how much I have in my brokerage account. We have known each other’s salaries from early on.
And because we know how much each other does, I will not put him in a position where he feels like he should spend more money than I know he is willing to spend just to satisfy me.
My success does not scare it
Partner: When we met, she and I were in such different positions in terms of finance and career. She felt as if I had two options: I could be scared and felt threatened by her, or could see her as her life and what she is built.
When you look at someone like Tori, who is extremely successful, it can be easy to worry about how she can see me. I remember thinking about how we do not roll in the same circles and live in the world very different.
Dunlap: I remember about three months in our relationship, I would buy us lunch at a Teriyaki restaurant. He was very vulnerable and sweet and said to me, “I know I don’t have to feel this way, but sometimes I feel that I’m not doing enough or providing enough to be as human. I want this to be a Equal relationship, and I am sometimes worried that it doesn’t feel that way about you. “
Partner: But she was very understanding and supportive, and so even at an early stage, I realized that I could come to her, and she would be ready to hear.
Dunlap: I thought it was so courageous to him was so vulnerable to this conversation. I have realized how many patriarchal and gender roles penetrate – the mindset that men are supposed to be providers, earn more money, get their girlfriends on dates all the time, and pay for everything.
I don’t feel like that, especially because I do more.
We share costs based on capital, not equality
Dunlap: I told him that, in connection with the money, I am not looking for equality; I’m looking for net capital. I don’t need him to share things 50-50 with me because it’s not right or right.
Partner: In my previous relationship, it was mainly 50-50; If someone covered the drink, the other person took the food. For Tori and me, it makes no sense. We usually try to divide about 30-70, which feels quite straight.
Dunlap: I also have a more expensive lifestyle than that. If I’m interested in going to dinner somewhere I know it’s out of his budget, I’ll pay for it because I was the one I wanted to go, and feels unfair to me to make that decision but still I ask him to pay his meal.
As for the housing, I rent a three -bedroom home, two baths for $ 3,250 a month. I’ve only lived since 2018 and, honestly, I love it.
Partner: I live with my three friends and pay $ 975 a month. Since Tori and I do not live together, we do not have to share those costs, but we have had conversations about what would seem.
Dunlap: If we were to move together and the rent was $ 3,000, I would not ask him to pay $ 1,500 because this is not proportional to each.
We also set up expectations prematurely. We went to Europe the past two wines, and before we left, we had a conversation about who was covering what they cost. I covered the flight there and most of the accommodations, most of it using dots, and he covered the shortest flights between the places while traveling.
It has nothing to do with what you do – it’s what you do with it
Dunlap: One of my favorite things in the world is that I take away almost every man I talk to. I don’t need a man to spend his money for me to remind me that it’s worth it, but I need him to be there when my parents get sick one day, and I’m not doing well, and i I’m I’ll be there for her.
My partner tells me that he loves me in a million different ways, some of which include money and most of them not.
One of the things I want for him is that although he does not win a tone, he maximizes his Roth Ira every year. I was honestly a shocked kind that he was managing to do it.
It’s not how much money you earn, it’s about what you do with it.
Partner: My parents didn’t grow up much, and they talked to my sister and me about money from an early age.
When I was in high school, if we were doing all our jobs for this week, we would have spent $ 6, $ 3 to save and $ 1 to share. I’ve always been a saver. Even at a young age, I usually got my money “spend” and put them in my savings.
When I was in high school and college, my parents helped me take away some money to get the ball by spinning, and they always told me to get out of my roth. I have also seen many videos on YouTube from financial channels to understand more.
Dunlap: It all has to do with habits and behavior. I really think, especially in a relationship, money is not everything, but the way someone uses money is a good sign than responsible.
Learning to overcome insufficient mentality is important
Partner: I had an insufficient mentality for many years. Back in 2022, I had four different jobs, trained in numerous organizations and was not paid too well. I have budget very much, up to hundred. I was very aware of how much I did and where the money was sitting.
Dunlap: It was really difficult to believe that he was worth spending his money, or eating in a slightly more beautiful place was no loss of money, or that he could invest to enjoy his hobbies even if not It earned money from them.
Partner: I think the biggest thing I learned from Tori is that it is okay to spend money on yourself and sprinkle from time to time.
Dunlap: I celebrated my two birthdays while we were in Europe, and both times, we went to Michelin-Star restaurants he paid as a birthday gift.
Prenups and thinking about the future
Dunlap: I think until the third month of the meeting, I brought the word “Prenup”.
Partner: I was surprised and amazed at first. None of my friends and their partners are in a situation like ours, so there has never been one thing. My parents did not have a prenup, and none of my family members have preface.
Dunlap: I think listening to the word prenup has a lot of emotional weight for most people. But every single person marrying has a “Prenup” – is simply decided by the state. At least we can decide whether the government -designated “Prenup” is actually what we want.
And I always say that going through the Prenup process mainly prevents you from needing to use it because you are so transparent for money and what you care about.
Partner: The more we talked and the more I thought about it, I don’t really stage me. I fully understand that she has really worked hard to get to where she is, and she wants to make sure she protects herself.
Dunlap: I strongly believe that each person in a relationship must have some of their money and then a joint bank account, so we would never fully combine our finances.
After all, whoever you choose as a partner is a financial decision that will affect you for the rest of your life.
I wouldn’t get into business with someone without realizing how they reached money or what their goals were. It is the same with partners, but love is involved, so people think it’s not a business decision. But it is actually.
If you and your partner have a unique way of managing money and want to share your story, email Jane zhang to [email protected].